“Put your hips into it,” the handsome young instructor coaches me as I step back from the big blue bag. I punch it again with all my might as salty sweat trickles down my face. I can’t wipe it away because of the overstuffed gloves covering both of my hands and the tight wraps beneath.
“Jab, punch, left hook, punch,” I repeat inside my head as my body does the work. My jabs continue as my mind begins to wander.
“What wouldn’t I do for Family Promise?” I wonder once again as I punch, duck and giggle in this hot steamy basement gym, completely outside my comfort zone.
A week and a half after leading a lesson on self-care and a meditation meant to reduce anger, the families moved into my church on a Sunday night. As we gathered at a round table after dinner, the subject of our Strengthening Families group came up.
“I don’t know about this meditation stuff. That doesn’t really work for me,” Mary admitted. “What I need is to punch something or to break some things.”
I looked around and the other moms were nodding their heads in agreement, brainstorming all the things they could punch and break (safely of course) and how much fun that would be. This was far from my idea of self-care, yet hadn’t part of the lesson been that self-care looks different for everyone?
An idea formed in my head. Sometimes though my ideas are just that – ideas. They stay stagnant, locked in my mind, never to come to fruition. Two days later as I sat listening to our pastor preach a Holy Week sermon, I heard her message loud and clear. “Love recklessly,” she told us, “especially those we serve.”
When I left the church I drove downtown to a newer gym that I knew nothing about – except that they had boxing. My heart raced as I parked my car and stepped inside the front door. I was met by a friendly smile on the face of a young woman, not the buff, intimidating, and large man I had conjured up in my imagination. I told her about our Family Promise group and asked if doing a class on Thursday night would be a possibility. She was so pleasant and helpful, not only telling me she would ask the instructor to do the class, but that she would give me a deep discount for all six members of our group. I left feeling hopeful. A call came from the gym manager and arrangements were made. Thursday night we walked into The Summit gym, at least one of us not knowing what to expect.
“Is there a boxing ring?” Mary anxiously asked with anticipation. I honestly had no idea. The only thing I knew was that there were showers. If the class was a total fail, at least the ladies could have long, hot, relaxing showers; a treat with one of the Day House bathrooms under construction.
The opposite of failure is success and that is what our leader Joel led us to do. Shannon started out hesitant, like me. Mary, whose idea this was in the first place, was first on the block for everything we did. The instructor felt her desire and let her take the lead. Her excitement spilled over and helped us all feel more at ease.
After getting our hands wrapped and gloves on, doing a short warm up, and learning our moves, we stepped into the ring. Joel had his protective gear on and you can guess who was first to hit. When it was my turn, second to the last, I was scared. I don’t think I had ever hit someone before. Mary gave me some sound advice, knowing some of the things I struggle with from our weeks together in group.
“Think of your frustrations with your family, with your kids,” she said, “Pretend you are punching out those frustrations.” Her words became reality and instead of seeing Joel there, I saw the frustrations of my daily life. I became more and more exhilarated with each punch. Gone was the discomfort. Instead came relief.
Every single mom was in her element as she stepped into the ring. The strength Christina brought into the ring mirrored the strength we see inside her every day. The instructor was impressed with how she handled herself just as I am each time I am with her. Mary’s eagerness to be first, to share her experience and her love for this with the rest of us, was contagious. The instructor saw in her an energy, a resolve, to keep doing better, just as I do each time I am around her. Leslie’s quiet confidence and courage caught my eye. She was ready, her fit body performing in the ring with the same resilience with which she walks through life. The instructor saw in her a fire to push through the difficulty, to attack the pain, just as we see outside the ring. Shannon’s initial hesitancy ended in her stepping up to do one last round, more than most of us had the energy to do. Her reservation and holding back, watching and listening to others, then surprising us by prevailing, stepping up and stepping in, made her contribution that much more special. Having just met Shannon days before, I already saw that behind her pretty sparkling eyes and shy smile was a wisdom that would slowly be shared. Even Hannah, our KU student, battled and punched her way to the ring. She learned more as the night went on, from these amazing women, just as she does each time she shows up to serve with Family Promise.
As for me, I was changed that night in the ring. Still the group leader I felt a responsibility and a protectiveness over these women. Yet as the punches were thrown and the cheers were given, I became just one of the crowd. Feeling their love and support, and watching their strength, energy, resolve, confidence, courage, resilience, wisdom and energy, I became transformed. My moves were far from perfect. I am not sure I ever figured out how to “get my hips into it.” But what I do know for sure is that my heart was, and is, all in.
Mary Kaczor